So brings me to the topic of breastfeeding which is what has been on my mind for multiple weeks now. When I was pregnant I had nightmares of never being able to breastfeed my child. Literally I think that was my biggest fear. Labor was a breeze. Breastfeeding, well that was a challenge. To start off, McKenna had jaundice and she literally was not getting what she needed because she was too lethargic. Once we had her cleared, things finally settled and we began to develop a routine. I was a time watcher instead of a "cue" watcher in the beginning. I guess I would do it all differently the next time around, but I am super happy with the way things have gone for the lil' Miss and I.
So when things were going so well, I eventually returned to work. I was able to pump enough for my sweet gal and even extra. Turns out she enjoyed the real thing and drank minimal amounts during the day, from a bottle. I ended up being able to donate milk to a wonderful family that had twin boys. I can't tell you the amount happiness this brought me, in supplying another family with the wealth of milk. And M has milk brothers for life! What a rewarding story to tell her when she gets older.
Goals, well we all set them and sometimes we achieve them and then we have the ones we doubt. Well I set a goal of one year. Goal reached! Then it was two years and I can't see myself going past that. Well that goal was reached and more.....so what do I do now?
The original setting of the goals was the possibility of bringing another child into the family. As most do not know, we struggled. Many tests, medicines, and close monitoring brought us our beautiful baby girl! So to make the best of a natural pregnancy this time around, breastfeeding would need to come to an end. But I decided if this girl was going to be my only, I wanted to make it the best and so we continued on with the idea of trying to begin weaning at the beginning of 2015.
Here I am, 28 months, 14 days into this lovely journey, and I don't want it to end. It's amazing the bond we have. The joy I see in my daughter's eyes when I can provide her with this comfort, happiness, and what I call sleepy milk. I have always said I wanted her to self wean, but we are at a point that I am going to begin initiating the weaning process. I dislike that I have to do this, but I think it is best for our family. As always, mothers need to do what they feel is best and not judge!
It has been hard to go this long, as I have felt I have not always been supported in our journey. This includes family, friends, and society. No one will ever know what I feel, except for myself. So to tell me what I am doing is wrong is criticizing and hurtful. I am not hurting my child. I am providing love and comfort as she needs.
So to end my long story, we began our day with a new sitter for M. She did wonderfully. Typically I had nursed M when I picked her up from our previous babysitter. I decided that I would begin today with not nursing when I picked her up. It went pretty well. She did ask immediately for "milk" when I came to pick her up. Although I don't usually like to offer sweets, I broke down and offered a cookie or ice cream and told her we could have "milk" at home. She agreed and cried once I tried to put her in the car. She wanted "MILK." This process is not easy on lil' Miss nor myself. We made it to 8:30 this evening and she nursed to sleep. So we begin this process, which is one of the hardest tasks I have ever set out to conquer.
I guess in writing this post, I want to ask all, to support mommas in the choices they make that are in the best interest of their child. Remember they are only little once!
And I leave you with a beautiful image taken by a dear friend of ours to symbolize this journey! Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural!
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